#517 - I Hate Mother's Day - Version 1
Volume 2 - Prayers to Love Our Neighbor
God, she was a ________. I hate her so much. She made my life a living hell. Critical. So incredibly critical. I could no nothing right. Nothing. I was supposed to achieve all kinds of things. I was supposed to be perfect, like other kids in the neighborhood (school or church). I was a huge disappointment to my mother and she made that very clear to me. On top of all of that, she was so needy. Everything was about her every minute of every day. Did she care about my needs? No. I hate her and I want nothing to do with Mother's Day. You loved her. You love me. Your heart breaks that I feel this way about her. Father, this is not what You had in mind when You created motherhood. My bitterness is not a fruit of the Holy Spirit. I know I am wrong. I'm searching my heart and I can't escape a thought: I'm looking for her to substitute for You. I want to be loved unconditionally. I want to be perfectly nurtured and cared for. I want someone who is the ideal listener, who knows precisely how to make sense of my tumultuous thoughts and feelings. I expected her to be that person. However, she was not capable of it. She was not spiritually or emotionally equipped to give me that kind of love. You are. I wanted to be my own god or to find something or someone else to be god. Therefore, I put enormous expectations for love on a person who could not begin to deliver. Hence, I'm deeply bitter and resentful for her. Father, I've got to let her off the hook. Please forgive me. She didn't have to love me like You love me. Help me to want perfect love in my life but to seek it from You and You only. I will then accept the fact that she struggled with life just like I do. I will then feel compassion for her. Amen.
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