#648 - Gender Identity - Part 4
Volume 2 - Prayers to Love Our Neighbor
Dear Father, I did it. I changed my gender. I am legally the male or female I was not at birth. I have had surgery. I have radically changed my appearance. I have a new name and a new wardrobe. I thought being the new me would give me so much happiness. It did for a while. I embraced the lifestyle and the community. I couldn't run fast enough away from my previous identity. However, I've discovered I'm still who I always was. My weaknesses and insecurities are the same. My fears and anxieties are the same. The hurts and scars are the same. The childhood memories are the same. I am still searching for purpose and meaning. Changing my gender didn't shield me from problems. The addictions are the same. I still battle loneliness. I still have relationship problems. I still have financial struggles (enhanced by the expenses of changing my identity). I still have health crises. However, now I have a huge disappointment to deal with. I thought my gender change would usher in heaven on earth. It did not. Life is still difficult, regardless of whether I wear a dress or a suit to a wedding. Something is missing in my life. I feel empty. I'm searching for You. Please reveal Yourself to me. Tell me the truth, the precious truth. I think I've been lied to. It wasn't worth the effort and the investment. It didn't deliver the happiness I thought it would. Father, please welcome me into Your church. I think I've made a huge mistake. I need people in my life who will understand. They've messed up their lives too. They've found both forgiveness and peace in Your Son, Jesus Christ. I need people who can overlook the external changes I've made and see into my heart. I'm not sure if I can go back to who I used to be. I just know I want my heart to be something new. Father, have mercy on me. Amen.
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