#187 - I'm a Widow
Volume 1 - Prayers to Love God
Dear Father, after a season of intense grief, I am finally accepting I must move on without my late spouse. I've finally understood that his or her passing was not my fault. However, I still have trouble sleeping at night now that I sleep alone. I have trouble focusing as my thoughts so easily turn towards my grief. I have become a profoundly different person, less enthusiastic about life and less hopeful about the future. I am reluctant to give my heart in love to someone new. They may die as well. However, there are times I am tempted to rush into an unhealthy relationship. I simply can't wait another day to experience again the emotional intimacy, friendship, and affection I lost when my spouse died. I wish he or she was with me again. I wish this was just a nightmare that I could wake up from. It isn't. Other times I feel like running away, to live in the wilderness by myself. People don't know how to interact with me anymore. They don't understand my pain or what I need. Therefore, they keep their distance or say unintended hurtful things. I end up feeling safest alone. Father, please help me to heal. Please help me to trust You in relationships again. Please help me to love and be loved again. I want to live again. I want to have hope again. I want to trust people again. I want to be excited about life again. Father, I surrender my heart to You. Please fill me with the fruit of the Holy Spirit so that I will delight in life once more. Amen.
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