#680 - I Hesitate in Relationships
Volume 2 - Prayers to Love Our Neighbor
Dear Father, I love having close relationships with people. I long for and delight in the emotional intimacy. However, I am also afraid of commitment. What if something goes wrong in the relationship? What if the person loses their interest in me? What if they find someone else? What if I lose them through debilitating disease or death? Therefore, to protect my heart from the pain of abandonment, I will hesitate to commit myself to a future with someone. I will put up walls and barriers to keep people from my heart. I will enjoy today with someone but I will not promise tomorrow. Sadly, this defensive action brings about the very abandonment I fear. A healthy relationship needs hope for the future. People invest their hearts in a relationship with me today for the return of the promise of love tomorrow. If I deny them of tomorrow, they may hesitate themselves to love me today. They will look for someone else who will love them today and promise to love them tomorrow. I do this because I don't trust You will be there for me if disaster strikes in the future. The idea of having to deal with unbearable grief without Your support is frightening enough to keep my heart from committing to any person, even those who have shown their true love and faithfulness. How many relationships have I lost because I wouldn't trust You to carry me if something were to go wrong in the future? Father, I am suffering from doubting Your character, which is rebellion. Please forgive me. Please help me to trust You with my relationships. You will be there for me no matter what happens. This means I can take a risk and commit to someone who loves me because I know Your love will always be there for me no matter what happens with this person. Help me to trust Your love today. I will then be able to promise love to someone else tomorrow. Amen.
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