#426 - I Feel Survivors Guilt
Volume 2 - Prayers to Love Our Neighbor
Dear Father, I survived. The car crash. The airplane crash. The train crash. The boat sinking. The tornado. The flood. The hurricane. The burning building. The explosion. The bombing. The shooting. The terrorist attack. However, other people did not. People died in the very same horror that I lived through. I feel guilty. Why? Father, there have been times I've done something wrong. I've asked You for forgiveness. However, I continue to feel guilty for it. It's as though I'm saying: "Well, You may have forgiven me God but I'm going to keep punishing myself." Father, this is a sign that there is something wrong in my spiritual life. Perhaps I am believing You do not want to forgive me or You are unable to. Perhaps I remain rebellious. I want to be the one who pays the price for my wrong doing. I want to work off my debt to You. I will require myself to do all kinds of good works until I eventually tell myself "that's enough. Debt is paid." Until I reach that point, I will continue to feel guilty about things I've done wrong. I will feel there is an outstanding and overdue punishment waiting for me. If this wrongdoing was significant in my mind, the punishment I deserve may be death itself. I experienced an event where I had the opportunity to die to pay the ultimate price for my wrongdoing. Many people did pay that price. I believe they are now forgiven. I'm a survivor. I still have this debt to You hanging over me. I feel survivor's guilt. Father, this may not be the reason I feel survivor's guilt. I ask that You bring into my life a godly counselor who will walk me through the deep waters of my feelings. However, please forgive me if I am holding on to a rebellious heart. Please forgive me if I am denying the power of the cross to forgive me of my sin. Please help me to have the peace that Jesus Christ did it all for me. He paid the penalty for everything I have done wrong or will do wrong in the future. I don't need to be punished for my sin because He was. Father, help me to find joy with the understanding that I still have a purpose for living on earth. There are still lives You want me to touch in Your name. The people who died in this tragedy? They may be serving You in heaven now. I can serve You too - here, on earth. Amen.
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