#470 - I'm Highly Sensitive
Volume 2 - Prayers to Love Our Neighbor
Dear Father, did You see how that person looked at me? That was belittling. Did You see their body language? I think they are judging me. Did You hear their tone of voice? That was mean. Did You see how they didn't care about something that was important to me? They were so insensitive. They were critical of me. Ouch. Father, I spend my days looking for evidence that other people have an unfavorable opinion of me. Why? Because I am so insecure about who I am. I don't like who I am and I'm sure everyone else doesn't either. I'm not expecting people to speak well of me. However, the dirty little secret is that I want them to find my flaws. Why? That's what I am comfortable with. I focus on my flaws all the time. It's who I believe I am. People who find fault with me are validating my insecurities, the man or woman I see in the mirror. Father, I pretend to be upset by even the subtlest of criticisms. However, the truth of the matter is that it is all affirming of my flaws and I, honestly, feel good about that. Deep down inside I believe that if I am flawed I don't have to worry about transforming into the likeness of Jesus Christ. I don't have to worry about serving others. Why? Because I can't. When people find fault with me it lets me off the hook. I act angry and annoyed but I am relieved. Father, I am my own god once more. I don't want to conform to the likeness of Christ. I want to be flawed. It's who I am. Father, help me to surrender to You and to see the useful instrument I can be in Your hands. I have responsibility to serve You despite the existence of my flaws. May my life be about the work You have for me to do, not a pity party about my flaws. "Sure, people. I've got a flaw - now step aside because I've got work to do for my Lord." Amen.
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