#505 - My Parent Was Abusive
Volume 2 - Prayers to Love Our Neighbor
God, my parent tells me they love me. They even tell me they love You. But look what they do? They humiliate me in front of others. They tell me how I don't measure up to other kids. They tell me I'm worthless and they wish I was never born. They yell at me all the time and hurt me physically when they are angry. They try to motivate me by threatening to hurt me. They give me the silent treatment. They let others hurt me, doing nothing to stop it. They don't hug me or touch me affectionately. They don't take care of me. I'm hungry. I wear torn clothes. I am not cared for when I'm sick or injured. When they are angry, they lash out at me physically. They leave me unsupervised at questionable times. They don't care what sexually mature things I hear and see. They kiss me or touch me in my genitals. They have raped me. I don't trust people. I feel worthless. I don't know how to handle emotions. I feel anxious and unsafe. I feel a loss for not having a loving and predictable parent who respects my boundaries. I don't want to be touched. I'm sexually damaged. I act up to punish my parent. I want to run away from my abuser. Father, isn't my parent a representative of You? I can't help but think You are a monster of a God. Therefore, I'll trust myself in life. I'll doubt there's anything good about You. I'll look for other gods I can trust. Father, prove to me the true loving God is nothing like my parent. Deliver me from this hell. Defeat my abuser. Get me away from them. Show me love, protection, compassion, empathy, mercy, grace, generosity, and kindness and may there be no doubt it comes from You. Amen.
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