#509 - My Father Abandoned Me
Volume 2 - Prayers to Love Our Neighbor
Dear Father, I was in my mother's womb when my dad left me. He didn't want me in his life. He ran away from me. What did I do to him? What did I do to deserve that? He took himself from me. I never got to know him. He took my daddy from me. I was left without a father in my life. Talk about anxiety. Talk about insecurity. Talk about rejection. Talk about going through life feeling defeated. He was never there for me when I scraped my knee. He was never there for me when I couldn't figure out chemistry. He wasn't there for me when I had a hat trick in ice hockey. He wasn't there to walk down the aisle with me at my wedding. It's not that he's dead. He's living someplace else, living each day like I don't matter to him. He has a new family. He's living on the street for all I know. Why did he lack the courage to be a father? Why did he not understand responsibility? Why was he so selfish? Father, I have two choices. On the one hand, I can be bitter. I can hate the man. I can despise him. However, that will destroy my heart. It will ruin my life even further. If I hate my father, I will hate others. I will hate men. I may resent my own boyfriend, husband, or male child. I will hate even You. All that hate isn't good for me. It isn't good for anyone else who knows me. On the other hand, I can understand my father was somehow a victim of life. Maybe his dad did to him what he did to me. Maybe his parents left him with the inability to handle responsibility. Maybe he was victimized by a stranger along the way. Father, one thing is sure. He and I have something in common. We both want to be our own gods. We both doubt Your character. We both desire other things more than You. Maybe he did what he did because that's how his rebellion expressed himself. Even though my rebellion is expressed in other ways, I am still rebelling from You - just like my father did. Father, I know You expect men to be faithful and devoted to their children. You expect them to be responsible. His behavior is not what You wanted him to do. He must give an accounting to You for abandoning his child. Since I know You will address this with him, help me to let go of my anger. Help me to forgive him. Father, help me to have the courage to be the most dedicated, devoted, faithful, and responsible parent I can be. Help me to love him in ways that boggle his mind. Help me to love him in such a way that he asks for forgiveness from You for what he did to me. That will be the ultimate victory. Amen.
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